the changing sea-tide
My alliances have changed. I know this because it happened so slowly, I didn’t feel any changes until they snowballed into an epiphany. My emotions belong to me now, and I am in control of them. I can give them to whoever I want and be confident that they will take care of the people I love and be taken care of by them. I don’t have to be scared of changes anymore, because I can always reign myself into a lockdown if I need to. It’s about time I learned how to do this. Growing up is not easy, and I can feel myself permanently change in new, little ways every day. Today I can see objectively what happened yesterday, and tomorrow today’s events will be clear. Living in the moment without being afraid is the most exciting fucking feeling in the whole world. As far as I know.
Everything is new to me, and I’m even rediscovering the emotions I thought I felt before. That includes love, sex, touching, feeling, tasting, worrying, being scared, liking myself for the first time. Everything is more colorful, on a newer lever. It makes me wonder how much of this is because I’m just growing up, and how much of this is caused by the people I surround myself with. Being with them breathes pure oxygen and joy into the most mundane things- it’s the difference between looking at something and really, really seeing it. Do you know what I mean?
